The Christmas Kid Invasion
The 4th Uncle Christmas story, read by me, Richard, for Storynory.com.
Uncle Christmas is based on a character invented by Wicked Uncle, home of brilliant presents.
Story by Bertie.
Read by Richard.
Proofread and audio edited by Jana Elizabeth.
Uncle Christmas Picture by Wicked Uncle - Kids pics from Shutterstock
Father Christmas headed back to California, grumbling how much he hated holidays, sunshine, the beach, luxury hotels, and healthy food.
Meanwhile his brother, Uncle Christmas, relished the prospect of two months of hard work. “At least I won’t get bored,” he said to himself, “and I’ll be doing all these elves a favour if I drag this operation screaming and kicking into the modern world.”
First he reviewed the company’s marketing strategy. This is how it makes sure that people all around the world know and trust its name and services. He concluded that it was ridiculous that the company’s brand name was Santa Claus in America, Father Christmas in Britain, and Pere Noel in France.
“These days every large company needs a global brand,” he said in his first meeting with the board of wise old elves.
“Let’s ditch the Santa thing and rebrand the company Uncle Christmas.”
The wise old elves shook their heads. He realised that this plan was not going down well.
“Perhaps another year,” he said under his breath. He decided there and then that it was a bad move to float his ideas for change past the elves. They were bound to disagree with him and get in the way of his plans. That’s why he didn’t tell them about his next ‘Big Idea’.
He announced a talent competition to the world. Kids should send him their best jokes, he would choose the 100 funniest ones, and invite them to the Secret Warehouse and Toy Factory for the most amazing pre-Christmas day out ever.
At the end of the week, he had received a million entries. Uncle Christmas needed help to read through them all. Rudolf had refused to return to California, saying that the hot weather was too much for him in his shaggy coat, and so Uncle Christmas put him in charge of choosing the winner.
This was the joke that Rudolf chose as the overall winner:
‘How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?’
- You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
“That’s hardly hilarious,” said Uncle Christmas. “It’s not even half funny.”
“Well you asked my opinion,” said Rudolph, “and I chose the one that I thought was funniest.”
Uncle Christmas realised that he himself would have to read through all the million jokes. Eventually he chose this one for the top prize.
‘What do you call Father Christmas at the beach?’
- Sandy Clause!
“I don’t get it,” said Rudolph.
“Well it made me chuckle,” said Uncle Christmas. “That’s one down. Now we need to pick 99 others.”
It took them all night, but they did it. They picked lucky winners from all over the world.
When Dusty the steward heard about the scheme, he was furious. His customary tact flew out of the window.
“You can’t invite kids to our toy shop!” he exclaimed.
“Why not? Kids are our customers,” said Uncle Christmas, mystified.
“Because where we are is a top secret,” said Dusty. “When the word gets out, the whole world will be beating a path to our doorstep.”
“Well there’s no such thing as secrecy in the internet age,” replied Uncle Christmas. “Besides, it’s too late. I’ve invited them now. To uninvite 100 excited kids would be a Public Relations disaster. They are coming, and you will make them welcome, or else.”
And so the elves, since they were under strict orders, did their best to look happy when the kids arrived in their secret warehouse. Inwardly, they were filled with horror and despair as 100 snotty little brats (in their view) unwrapped the toys and ran riot with them. They rode their bikes around the warehouse, roaring and puffing out smoke from their toy exhausts that Uncle Christmas fastened to their back wheels. They kicked flat pack pocket footballs all over the place. They made toy volcanos that spewed luminous lava over the floor. They fired styrofoam balls from pop guns. They freaked out the reindeer with their 50 prank kits.
And the biggest kid of all, was Uncle Christmas, who stuffed himself with sweets and chocolate and got massively over excited and shouted, “Merry Modern Christmas,” at every opportunity.
But it wasn’t just the kids who visited the secret hideaway. There were mums and dads, aunts and uncles, and worst of all, from the elves point of view, journalists, youtubers, and bloggers.
The next day, when everyone had flown home, Uncle Christmas held a meeting with the wise old elves.
“You’ve got to admit, that was the best publicity ever,” he told them. And it was true. Fab reviews, pictures, stories, and videos were flooding the internet, all of them raving about what a fantastic time they had in the secret Christmas hideaway.
The problem was that quite a few of the bloggers gave clues about how to find the hideaway. And one or two even printed the address.
So it wasn’t secret anymore.
And now people started to turn up. Tourists, salesmen, film stars, former US Presidents, billionaires, polar explorers, celebrity chefs, travel bloggers, aging rock stars, and all of them expected to be hosted, wined and dined. None of them brought their credit cards. Most of them hadn’t paid for something for so long that they had forgotten what the word ‘pay’ meant.
“Hey man,” said a wrinkly guitarist who knew Uncle Christmas from the old days, “the best thing about Christmas is that it’s free, right?”
“Yeah,” said Uncle Christmas with a sigh. “The problem is, this is the busiest time of the year for us, and all these visitors are stopping us getting on with the business of delivering presents.
“Chill out man,” said the old friend. “It will be all right on the night, it always is.”
“I sure hope you’re right,” said Uncle Christmas. But secretly, he was starting to worry that this Christmas was turning into an embarrassing, excruciating disaster, and that he would have to endure his brother telling him, ‘I told you so’, for the next 1000 years.
And so he was forced to agree with the wise elves, that the best thing under the unfortunate circumstances would be to move the whole factory and warehouse to a new secret location where nosy people were least likely to look for them and that was in the middle of the Sahara desert. They would leave the reindeer behind, because they wouldn’t like the heat, and those sleighs that hadn’t been motorised would be pulled by magic camels.
Things were indeed changing in the Christmas present business, but not the way that Uncle Christmas had planned.
And that was ‘The Christmas Kid Invasion’, read by me, Richard Scott, for Storynory.com. Drop by soon to hear the 5th and final part at Storynory.com.
Nice!
O — December 24, 2017
yes, second comment! and the uncle christmas series is awesome!
Rogue_Shadow^^ — December 24, 2017
3rd comment loved it ♥️
Kk — December 24, 2017
Please reply hi it’s maleeka I have competed on your 1 and 2 can you make more chic stories
Anonymous — December 24, 2017
When is uncle Christmas 5 coming.?
. — December 25, 2017
Probably today maybe tomorrow
Bertie — December 25, 2017
im realy exited for the 5h bertie please answer
please
please
please
johnsons — December 25, 2017
Johnsons I’ll do my best to get it out today but it might be on boxing day
Bertie — December 25, 2017
Merry CHRISTMAS!!!!! Yay!!!
Abee — December 25, 2017
Merry Christmas!! 🎄
TheRainbowUnicorn — December 25, 2017
Thanks TheRainbowUnicorn and Merry Christmas to you and all our listeners.
Bertie — December 25, 2017
I like the joke
Q what do you call Santa Claus at the beach
A Sandy Claus!
Ha ha haaaa
Poppy — December 27, 2017
omg i feel so bad for the elves
Isha — December 27, 2017
Coolio
Mria — December 28, 2017
Im guessing this going to be great! #banana’s are awesome!
Zahid — December 31, 2017
Very merry chritsmas everyone!
Zahid — December 31, 2017
Funy story
Anonymous — January 2, 2018
I found this was a interesting story and would like to hear the next one.
Dylan — January 6, 2018
Nice joke,and I love your stories
Ryan — January 6, 2018
Hi 😎 cool🤗🤗😻🐵🐵🔥🔥🔥
Jose — January 9, 2018
I did not think there was going to be another one of these
Jace — January 10, 2018
The only way I could ever find out how much they do for my kids are not to go back and do it for them because I have to go back to work with my kids
Jose the gamer — January 10, 2018
I like this book a lot.
Patryk — January 10, 2018
Hi I love your story
Meera — January 11, 2018
# Best series ever
BELLA — January 12, 2018
good!
menna — January 15, 2018
Hi, everyone, I´m from México, and I´,m enjoying this stories, because them are help me to understand the English, So I´m apologize about my grammar,
Minerva — January 24, 2018
i read all uncil chirsmas i don’t no how to spell uncil
viany — January 24, 2018
Christmas Awesomeness if you can do another Christmas series that would be great
Henry — January 26, 2018
Dear Bertie I love your story’s SO MUCH me and my brothers listen to them every night to go to sleep. I really enjoy the super amazing story teller
Story lover — January 30, 2018
I really like your stories but could you make them a little longer? Thanks!
Nat — February 4, 2018
i love this story i love storynory uncle christmas
Mayra Lopez — February 6, 2018
i love it thanks for it
thank you 4 the thing
andrew — February 6, 2018
awesome
Anonymous — February 7, 2018
Your voice sounds like santa.(just kiding)
miley.a.melnyk.com — February 12, 2018
thanks for the story can you make the story including with me! THANKS FOR EVERY THING IN THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malaki — February 15, 2018
it is so funny and crazy
Kerasya — February 21, 2018
Its funny how Uncle Christmas invited a hundred kids and then grown-ups came and famous people came and ended up moving the location!
Angelina — February 27, 2018
Really nice
Anonymous — March 2, 2018
wow so cool
Emmy — March 12, 2018
Mary CHRISTMAS!! 🎄🌲🕊🐳🐳🦄🦄
Solara — March 13, 2018
I love your stories
Zara — April 6, 2018
i loved it
tucker — April 27, 2018
i love it.
hunter — May 15, 2018
goodish and bad
bob — June 13, 2018
Nice story
Anonymous — August 28, 2018
nice
dillpicle — September 26, 2018
so fun and cool good job
nelle — November 20, 2018
This story was so AMAZING , it was full of FANTASTIC expression😄
Anonymous — December 4, 2018
I really super loved it and the whole series!!!!!!!!
Gary-December 5, 2018 — December 5, 2018
I love this series… IT CANNOT END PLZ DONUT END IT!!!!!
Haha get it donut do-nut hahahahahahaha
Sam S. — December 13, 2018
Great name 😃
Soya — January 8, 2019
Richard really good story but when is the next one coming out?
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 6, 2019
Thanks Wolfhound, Uncle Christmas was a series we did for 2018.
Jana Elizabeth — February 6, 2019
Sorry Bertie but when is it coming out please reply thanks
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 6, 2019
My real name is Asher Jana Elizabeth just call me my real name I’m trying to find the second one you guys are the best please reply thanks
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
Thanks Asher, here’s part two for you 😊https://www.storynory.com/2-uncle-christmas-christmas-hideaway/
Jana Elizabeth — February 8, 2019
Oh I still love reading it anyway please reply
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
Thank you Wolfhound, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.
Jana Elizabeth — February 8, 2019
2019 is the best because you’re here
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
That helps a lot thanks Jana please reply
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
Really thanks Jana Elizabeth you make me feel relaxed at school it’s tough but you make it easy thanks please reply -Asher
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
No problem Asher 😊 Take it easy
Jana Elizabeth — February 9, 2019
I look forward to reading and talking to you every day Jana Elizabeth
Wolfhound 🐺🐕 — February 8, 2019
good story
Anonymous — December 19, 2019
i like Not like uncle christmas
non — December 20, 2019
it is so good
bobby — January 30, 2020
nice story man!!!
zac — March 12, 2020
I loved the story
Anonymous — August 14, 2020