I found it hard to contain a growl when we came face to face with the hideous cat people. Quite frankly I was most furious with myself, for if I had stayed true to my instincts, and loyal to the humans, I would not now be dealing with the most treacherous species in the universe – a horrific form of cat. This was what came of putting my trust in a parrot with a grudge the size of infinity.
They had what some deluded humans might consider to be pretty kitty-cat features. Neat purse-like lips, pink little noses, and pointy velvety ears. Their eyes were sly little slits that shone in the dark. It makes my stomach turn to think of them. Compared to an earth cat they were huge – but by the standards of cat people, they were on the small side. They were the most dreaded and dangerous sort of feline. They were Siamese cat commandos, from an elite regiment that prowled deep behind enemy lines leaving chaos, mayhem and confusion in their wake.
“Grrrrrrrrrrr” I said. I couldn’t help myself. And both the cat people raised the laser guns that were strapped across their chest.
“Steady on,” squawked the parrot, “We’re meeting in a spirit of inter-galactic-cross-species trust and cooperation.”
“Well I’m watching their every move,” I said.
“Likewise,” hissed the nastiest looking of the cat commandos.
The parrot turned to me and said in a haughty voice: “Your job is to shut up and dig.” And so turning my hind-quarters on the cat people I started to dig, and in doing so, kicked earth in their faces. I could hear them hissing, sneezing and spitting out dirt. That made my work rather more pleasant.
Finally I found the key and held it firmly between my front teeth. There was no way that I was letting it go before they produced the box. One of the cat people placed it on the ground and stood back covering it with a laser gun.
“Put the guns on the ground over by that tree,” said the Parrot, “Or the deal’s off.” And after some mewing and complaining the pair did as he said.
The Parrot took they key from me and turned it with his beak in the lock of Pandora’s Box. The lid sprung open. One of the cat people pounced and tried to grab the box, but I met him with barred teeth and he backed off.
“Okay everyone, calm down,” said the Parrot. “It appears that there is a scroll inside this box and on it are written the 3 secrets of the universe. They are in Ancient Greek of course, but fortunately I have made a study of the language. Those of you who are interested should stay still and listen while I translate.”
And this is what he read:
“I, Bonzotes, the greatest of the dog philosophers, hereby summarise for all posterity the secrets of the universe which I have discovered through a lifetime of contemplation on . ”
1) The Theory of Relativity
Time passes seven times faster for dogs than for human beings. Therefore one year of a dog’s life is equal to seven of a person’s. In that time a dog enjoys life seven times more forcefully than a person. The smell of horse manure or a dead rabbit is seven times as enjoyable for a dog as for a human..
2)The Big Bone Theory
The universe starts with a whimper and ends with a woof. It expands and contracts like the chest of a panting dog. It will expand and contract nine times in all. On each contraction, cats will lose one of their nine lives and become less of a menace to other creatures.
3)The Survival of the stupidest.
Superior intelligence will be the downfall of birds, bees, cats, humans and other smarty-pants know-it-all animals. Brains will tempt them to tamper with life itself, and will lead to their own destruction. The dumber animals who concentrate on food, water, sleep and running around the park will prevail. I therefore urge dogs to act as if they were stupid. Stupidity is the most intelligent course to take.
I could see from their spiky fur and arched backs that the cat people did not appreciate these secrets.
“You’re making it up,” hissed one.
What are cat people?
Did the speaker like the cat people? How do you know?
Do you think the cat people were happy with the secret scroll from Pandora’s box?
Vocabulary & Grammar
“I, Bonzotes, the greatest of the dog philosophers, hereby summarise for all posterity....”
What does posterity mean?
(a) posterior (b) postal service (c)future generations (d)posture
“The Big Bone Theory”
What is the other meaning of bone ?
(a) bean (b) bane (c ) learn thoroughly (d) bang
“The dumber animals who concentrate on food, water, sleep and running around the park will prevail.”
What is another word for prevail ?
(a) prevaricate (b) win (c ) preview (d) previous
“Compared X an earth cat they were huge – but by the standards of cat people, they were on the small side.”
What is the missing word?
(a)for (b) by (c) from (d) to
“Quite frankly I was most furious with myself, for if I X stayed true to my instincts, and loyal to the humans, I would not now be dealing with the most treacherous species in the universe”
What is the missing word?
(a)did (b) should (c) had (d) could
If life exists on other worlds, what assumptions should we make? If we should not make assumptions, how should we deal with it?
Bonzotes wrote about the secrets of the Universe from a dog’s perspective. Are perspectives important in understanding science? How have our own perspectives influenced our understanding of science?
How important do you think appearance is in determining our reactions?